Sunday, 29 January 2012

Michael Bachmann

I could try the controversial approach to this by writing up my distant and unpopular views on politics and viciously slandering political figureheads every week to the point where my vexation becomes a constant stream of unintelligible rambling.

But instead of getting angry at politicians, I like to imagine them with excessive facial hair.

So, what happens when Michele Bachmann wanders through unfamiliar territory, and is gene-spliced with a random bearded gentleman? It's time to find out, with Bachmann's Beard Weekly!

Today, the locks of full-time wizard Michael Gambon, also known as Dumbledore, make an appearance.

Tax-cuts for pure-bloods? HPV vaccines that magically cause mental retardation? Who knows what policies Michael Bachmann would have in store.

Friday, 27 January 2012


Alright, there's no excuse now. Exams are over, so there'll be some commitment and passion flowing here. Intentionally, in the form of weekly input. Two features -The visual - "Bachman's Beard Sunday." You'll have to wait 'til Sunday to find out!
 ... But also, what's happening on Wednesday is chemistry, and that needs sharing. Two days late;

A day with Nitrogen.

You see them about everywhere, in the air and the soil, in food and water. But did you ever talk to the nitrogen atoms? They have problems too, and appreciate a little chat. A volatile specimen earlier told me of his adventures. He was unsure of himself, and on acid. Nitric acid. In no time, reduction took place, forming the nitro group, and radicalising the young man's ideas. His story was a cruel one.

Later, we worked it out with a crate of satsumas and a long night of monopoly and ecstasy. That's the beauty of accepting yourself. Nitrogen asked me to pass on it's story to you, so that you can search within to look outwards. It's a rebirth.

Sunday, 31 July 2011


It's been a long time, and a nice holiday. Here's an old story I'm resurrecting.

"I can't go outside anymore. I've been in my house for nearly two months now and I'm starting to run out of food. This is serious, and I don’t know who I can trust."

"It started quite a few months ago, around November of last year. I was on the train going to Birmingham, not far from where I live. I was heading to the shopping centre to meet with my friends to hang out, it was a Saturday and I go out most Saturdays. There was this old lady on the train, sitting next to me, and wearing these dark glasses. She looked pretty normal from what I can remember – typical greying hair and a disapproving expression like most of the pensioners sitting near me. Anyway, she was staring at the seat, looking at the pattern on the fabric or something, or maybe she was reading the advertisements, but then she turned to me and - I can't remember if she took the glasses off to polish them, or she might have been showing me out right - she had no eyes. Well, it wasn’t exactly like that, they were still eyes but more like holes. Nothing behind them and nothing in the actual socket, and no pupils that made them look like eyes. Just little bits of nothing on her face, it was like staring into holes with no bottom."

"I didn't freak out right then; I thought that there might have been something wrong with her, like she was blind or something. But I knew she was looking at me, I could feel it, and she was smiling, and I mean you couldn't not  notice that she was grinning at me. After I left the station, I met with my friends as usual, and spent some time in town. Unusually, it wasn’t raining so I spent a little longer than normal in the city. It takes under half an hour to get home on the train, but after what happened that day, I took the bus. Two hours is a very fair deal compared to what happened on the train. It must have been about midnight when I got home."

"I can't remember when I saw the next one, but it was still winter. He was just walking like normal and when I noticed him, and this time I did stop and stare. As he passed I could see the holes clearly, and he smiled at me. Not in a nice way either, he just lifted his hands to his eyes in an "I'm watching you" gesture."

"Then they started popping up everywhere, I'd see them in stores, in restaurants, at university. People I didn't know would smile at me and I'd stare into their eyes, or holes like eyes. I went to the doctor, I said that I was seeing things and after a while I was prescribed some Fenigan - he said that it’s lack of sleep. They didn't stop, I started staying in more, I couldn't take the looks. Around Spring I noticed some of them waited outside my apartment, I watched them from the window before I closed the blinds. I went back to the hospital, they checked the inside of my head; no cancer, nothing out of the ordinary. They didn't know what was happening, neither did I. They started showing up on TV, the shows I watched were ruined with their grinning, their staring. I don’t watch TV anymore, I think I smashed the screen after Terry Wogan kept staring at me with those black eye-holes."

"My friends stopped calling, I didn't mind, it was only a matter of time before they got to them too. It’s better than the alternative, whatever that might be. My girlfriend left me after I stopped talking to her, I haven't seen her in a long while but I don’t know if they got to her too. Every one's gone now, I'm painfully lonely but I'm so scared of what they might do if I leave the house. They're watching me, I feel it."

"Anything remotely human now looks at me with those hole-eyes and I can't take it anymore. I don't think I could hurt anyone, or myself, so I hope that I can just starve to death or my apartment will catch fire. I want death but I just can't do it myself, that's what they want. I'll fail and then end up in a hospital with them so they can make me like them, they can cut out my eyes or put something in. I don't know, I just need to find someone, someone who isn’t them."

"I don't understand what's happening to me, I need help. I can't leave and I have no one to call. Everyone's forgotten me. The last time I called my parents someone picked up and just breathed into the phone. I could see the almost like I was there. I shouted, 'What do you want from me!" My mother answered, but it wasn't her,
 "Why don't you come outside sweetie?"
I ripped my phone out of the wall, people were calling from everywhere. Pizza joints, cafes, the hospital. My girlfriend called, I nearly picked up but I knew that she would just ask for me to come outside."

"I had a hunch, and it turns out I’m right - they’re the cops too. I went outside to see if I could find one to talk to, I wanted to walk to a shelter and get some food. I only made it a few meters from my house. They were arresting an older man, I didn't know him. He was screaming something about eyes. I ran back to my apartment. Either they pepper sprayed him and that’s why he was yelling, or he knew like I do. He looked like he was in pain, but the cops were grinning and the people around them were just staring, except for a few. They were looking at me."

Sunday, 19 June 2011

More Sound

Sometimes you hear a piece of music in passing, and something about it strikes you, or brings about nostalgic memories. Personally, I don't keep on track with the charts, or much modern music at all in any case - the only way I know about any recent tracks would be from the radio on the bus, or the overly enthusiastic sister singing along in the next room.
Sometimes, it's hard to capture the emotion on a piece of music without experiencing it for yourself in first-person, live and unadulterated - do you ever wonder how mere electrical waves and frequencies can mix together to produce harmonies and emotions without even being seen? Perhaps I'm looking too deep into the nature of music, some of you might be able to relate, and to the rest, I'll come across as full of BS. In any case, give the piece a listen and tell me if or how it makes you feel.

Friday, 10 June 2011

Game Review - Elona

Japan. It's well know for being the producer of many strange, mystical, depraved, or downright crazy concoctions. Today I'll be sharing with you an 'adventure/roguelike' PC game called "Elona - Eternal League of Nefia", developed by 'Noa'.

The game starts of with you, the hero of a chosen race, sex, and costume, waking up in a cave, followed by a brief playthrough tutorial - and then you are left to your own devices to explore and develop at your own pace.

After familiarising yourself with the controls, you find yourself randomly encountering turn-based combat situations, which you can manipulate through stats, weapons, throwing potions, casting spells, and even having a pet (or 5) fight for you. Towns and cities are dispersed through the world of 'North Tyris', each having a unique set of NPC's such as shopkeepers, guards, and quest-givers.
The player is able to earn money through dungeoneering and doing quests, which can be spent on armour, weapons, food, or ...prostitutes, if that's your thing. It's not exactly Grand Theft Auto, but the freedom given to the player is immersive despite the simple sprite interface and display - you become hungry and sleepy over time, become 'burdened' by carrying too much, or 'bloated' by over-eating.

The player can communicate with various NPCs - here, a selection of raw foods from a low-level baker is displayed.
Aside from the gripping town-areas, the player can navigate the map to find randomly generated dungeons, forests, and forts, in which heaps of monsters can be found -  from the simple 'Putit' to the mighty 'Wizard of Elea'. The game's learning curve is notoriously steep, and pressing the wrong button can easily cause the player to die, losing money and items, and returning to their home. But after some successful dungeoneering and luck, the player may afford a more generous abode, ranging from a shack to a multi-story castle. The progression of time brings about many events - tax has to be paid once the player reaches a certain level, balanced out by the salary, which is calculated based on level, fame, and many other variables.

In this random dungeon, the player is immediately confronted with a mixture of both friendly and hostile monsters.
The player can choose to compete in arenas which are found in a couple of cities, invest in stores to increase the choice of products available, and even create genetic-engineering programmes through breeding their pets. The main objective of the game is to restore peace to the land through entering the dungeon of 'Lesimas' and uncovering the deep secrets of the ancient land... or something. I've not personally finished the main quest yet, because there's just so much to do aside from that. I'd definitely recommend at least trying it, and with some tenacity it can be an exciting game, if you can put up with the somewhat awkward controls and the difficulty.

Game designer's site and DOWNLOAD -
Elona Wiki -

Thanks for reading, have yourselves some fun :)

Thursday, 9 June 2011


I am a keen pianist, and recently did my grade 6 exam after 4 years without lessons. It was a real challenge for sure, as I'd just been playing freestyle - jazz, rock, theme... whatever piqued my interest. Anyway, I ended up passing the exam (with distinction :p) and am now working towards grade 8 at the end of the year... The thing is, grades don't mean much to me (it's more of a qualification thing) and I never judge a musician by what grade they are. Just listen to this piece of music, an interpretation of the 'Castlevania III' theme from Nintendo. It reminds me how much I still have to learn.

Now I'm starting to learn it with an actual tutor, who notes the metaphors and implications of each note separately... which is why it's taking a long time to learn :)

Wednesday, 8 June 2011


This caught my attention today.

a) 1 x 0 = 0
b) 2 x 0 = 0
substituting a) into b) gives 1 x 0 = 2 x 0
dividing either side by 0 gives,
1 = 2

But it's alright, because dividing by 0 is not a legitimate operation.